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I hope that it is no secret that I am an extremely faithful Christian. Fortunately, faith has always come super easy and comfortably for me. I didn't know there was another way until I was married...both times. Neither of my husbands bought into the whole idea of God as a greater power. While I have always believed that God is with me, He knows me, He has a plan for me, He listens to me and He guides me. They never felt that way, thankfully they were both very respectful of my faith and beliefs though, so that was good.
Whenever I am troubled, scared, excited or grateful; I go to my Heavenly Father in prayer. When my alarm goes off, I say prayers (typically twice, because I usually fall asleep in the first round and have to start over when the snooze goes off 9 minutes later) and when I put my book down at bedtime, I say prayers.
So when my husband was told that his job would be ending on December 18th, I immediately began praying. You see, I truly believe that God will not close one door unless he has a better one to open for you. I also believe that sometimes we have hardships so that we are forced out of our comfort zones, forced to rely on God and allowed to level up in a way that we wouldn't have if left alone. Anyway, back to my husband and his job...He immediately put out feelers and had multiple companies calling asking him to go work for them. Praising him and telling them how honored they would be if he would work for them. Reminding him that he is so respected across the industry and they hope he would consider them. So the courting began. It wasn't unusual for him to have 2-3 calls a day with prospective employers. Each call ended with excitement for him (He is an Enneagram 3, which means he thrives on praise, and he was being praised every day - thank you to my friend Julie, a fellow Enneagram 3 for explaining this to me, in hopes of helping me understand where he was coming from) and eagerness to start looking at houses in the area where that job would be.
The problem with all of this for me? That it was complete chaos! I am an enneagram 1. I need order, and I need it to be a perfect, well laid out plan. In other words, I wanted him to pick a company and just go full steam ahead with them. I wanted him to stop talking to all of them and focus on his favorite. Of course this was nonsense to him, but he and I have learned to work together on this type of thing, so there wasn't a fight, just an ever ready annoyance. So I did what I do. I prayed, and prayed, and prayed, and prayed.
And I got an answer! I was so sure of my answer that I told him what I thought he needed to do and where he needed to be focused, and he didn't disagree. So we adjusted our focus, and did what we could to manifest the best offer at the company I felt like God was telling me was the right one. Pretty quickly the other companies went away for various reasons, typically it was a "We can't afford you" type of thing. But it just reinforced that my prayers were on track. The one company, called him every few days and continued to pursue him, so we were thrilled. We started looking at homes and schools online and really laying out our future.
So when we got the news that he wouldn't be getting that particular job, the one I had felt so strongly about, it was devastating for me. I felt like God took my answered prayers and threw them in my face. That may sound ridiculous, but it is honestly how I was feeling. If I am being honest, this is the 2nd time in a year where I felt so very certain that God was telling me to make a specific choice, I got on board with the choice, I told my friends that God told me what to do, I was at complete peace and taking action to do what he wanted me to do. And then BAM! Someone else takes it off the table, and it isn't even a choice anymore!
What is even the point of praying, if the answers I get mean nothing at all?? How can I be so wrong? Have you ever felt that way? No? Just me? Well, you are super lucky then, keep on doing you!! But, I'm gonna have to keep on being me, so how am I coping? Some days better than others. Everyday is getting better though. I had a good friend suggest a Bible app to me that has great devotionals, and she even suggested a devotional to start with. That has helped a lot. Every morning while walking Melo (my miniature whoodle), I click on the app and read the verse of the day, have a few minutes of a great pastor teaching me their thoughts on the verse, and a bit of a devotional. It grounds me. Keep in mind, I walk Melo early enough to still be in my pj's and not have brushed my teeth yet, so I am getting some God first thing!
Then what? I get dressed, take my Plexus and hit the gym. I spend the first 15 minutes of my workout listening to an uplifting, motivational, spiritual mix on youtube. It is usually then that my heart is on fire with what I should share with my friends during my #morningmotivation I workout with my Peloton app, and allow myself to escape in the misery + joy of those workouts and then I head outside at 8am to go live and share my thoughts on whatever is inspiring me that day. By 8:15, I have my day mapped out in 30 minute increments in my Brendon Burchard High Performing Habits Planner, and I am ready to share my day with my family.
I'll stop there, because the rest of my day can't be much different than yours. Virtual school, cook, clean, share Plexus, life coach 1-2 clients, laundry, read some personal development and try and lift my husband up when he comes home from work. I will just tell you that my time from 6am-8am is the foundation of my entire day. If I sleep in and don't do those things, I am not as happy.
Here is the thing, my faith is stronger than ever. Today I even thought, "I wonder if God did that to see if I would completely listen and go in the direction he was leading me? Was it a test? Did I pass? Or did I truly just misunderstand?" I can't tell you yet, because I don't know. Here is what I do know, God has plans bigger for me and for you than we can even imagine. God has put dreams in your heart that only you can fulfill, so you better go after them. Noah built that ark for a really, really long time; some say it took 120 years! You guys! That is a really long time to do what God wants you to do, for people to ridicule you, for people to not follow the guidance you are giving them to save their lives. I am certain there were times that Noah and his family thought that surely he misunderstood God's words! I mean come on! You want me to stop everything and build an ark for 120 years and it hasn't rained here in decades??
I don't know what you are going through right now. I don't know if you feel abandoned by God, or feel that your prayers aren't being answered, but here is what I do know. He is here with us. He has never left us and will never leave us. He knows exactly where my husband will work next; and me, I just need to keep moving closer to my Heavenly Father so that I am at peace and happy with whatever comes our way.
My prayer is that you will search for God and find the good in whatever you are going through right now. You may have to change a few habits, in order to do that easier, but the peace you will feel is worth it.