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For almost 4 years, I have been helping people on my Plexus team find their “WHY” and in that process, I have helped them dream bigger than they had before, I loved it! But in full disclosure, my team hit a ceiling and I couldn’t figure out how to get us through it, even though I knew it was totally possible. I read all the books, listened to podcasts non-stop and watched/shared a crap ton of YouTube motivational videos. Nothing was working. It was then that I discovered Sarah Centrella on IG, her quotes were popping up and hitting home with me (you know I love quotes!). Within a few days, her book #FutureBoards was released and I picked it up at Target. Then she offered a Book Club led by her for only $99! Of course, I signed up immediately because I wanted to learn all the things! It was then that I learned she also wrote a book called “Hustle Believe Receive” and I ordered that. After a few weeks I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Sarah’s system is what my team was missing. It was as if she took all my random thoughts and lessons that I have been sharing for years and put them in perfect order, with a perfect system and it all made perfect sense to me. I owed it to my team to make the financial investment to become an HBR Method Certified Life Coach by Sarah. I began mid-August, and next week I take my final exam, I could write a book on all that I learned, but that is Sarah’s book to write, I’ll write a different one! Why am I giving you all of this background, when my title is Permission to Dream? Because I learned through this process that I was missing a huge Mindset problem while I was helping my team members dream!
Almost all of them have what Sarah calls the “Low-Key Martyr” Mindset and I didn’t even know it was a thing! She describes it as “the superficial belief that you “don’t need” anything big or fancy; that your dreams and life are simple and you’re just fine with that.” (pg. 65, #FutureBoards) I would also like to add that it means you are comfortable dreaming up big things for the people you love, but not dreaming up big things for yourself.
When I coach people, I always ask them what their “WHY” is, meaning, “What are you working for, what dreams do you hope you’ll reach, what goals do you have that will pull you through the days you don’t feel like working.” And let me tell you, I have gotten some amazing answers! Here are some:
- I will start a clinic that allows people to come to physical therapy free of charge if they don’t have insurance.
- I will retire my husband from the job he doesn’t love, so he can do something he loves (this one I heard a lot)
- I will give more to my favorite charities
- I will provide scholarships to underprivileged kids so they can attend the best schools (this was my big “WHY”)
- I want to take my kids to Disney
- I want to buy my parents a home
- I will donate more to my church
I could go on and on, and you may read those and thing they are wonderful. Don’t get me wrong here, they are wonderful, beautiful dreams and I am not opposed to any of them!! The issue is that not one of them are selfish dreams relating completely to the person who is dreaming. Almost every single dream and “WHY” was for someone else, never themselves. And I am here to say, You deserve to have great things! You deserve to travel to great locations! You deserve to wake up in your dream home with your wonderful supportive partner and take the kids to school in your dream car (for all that is holy, please do not cap your dream car at a Ford or Jeep. That is not a dream car, that is a normal regular car.) When I am talking about dreaming, I give you permission to dream up your perfect life! Not the life you think your spouse would enjoy the most or a vacation your kids would like the best. What you, yourself would like! Here is what you don’t realize, they will probably enjoy it also! And if they wouldn’t, take your best friend with you!
Alright, so I have granted you permission to dream selfishly. So now I must tackle the hard part. What is preventing you from doing it already? There are a few reasons that I have seen repeatedly when I am talking to people, here are some:
- Their faith has left them believing that they don’t need more than what they have, but that they should continue to give to others. If you are one of these, please read 2 Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
- Fear that they will be judged for having abundance. (This was huge for me! Another blog coming soon to tackle that Judgement word)
- Fear that dreaming big sets you up for failure because you don’t believe you will reach your goals. Dreaming for others isn’t near as scary.
- Aren’t we just supposed to be grateful for what we have? We should leave more for others. (Newsflash, abundance is not a pizza! There are more than 8 slices of pizza! Get as many as you can!)
- Simply put, you don’t feel like you deserve a wonderful dreamy life (even though you want it for your kids).
Here is what I want you to hear loud and clear!!! You can be 100% full of gratitude for what you have, and still want more. God put you here on earth to have Joy. Does it bring you joy to live an average life? Would you rather have a life of abundance? You can have it! God wants you to have it. When good people have abundance, they should allow their pitcher to fill completely and then fill others with the constant over-flowing. Don’t try to fill other’s cups by tipping your pitcher over, you’ll just make a big mess and your pitcher will never be full.
Just in case I am being to vague, I want to give you another example. Imagine that I am gifting you a million dollars, what will you do with the money? If your first thoughts look something like this:
- Take the kids on a trip they have always wanted to go on
- Buy my hubby a new truck that he has been wanting
- Send my in-laws on the cruise they have always talked about
- Let my hubby quit and start his own company that he’s always dreamed of
- Donate to some of the orphanages I’ve read about
- Get my parents some land and a new house
- Pay off all the debt and put the rest in savings
You are dreaming like a “Low-Key Martyr”! Will you be happy to making all of these loved ones happy? For sure! But you forgot the most important person, You!! You must remember to dream for yourself! Dreaming with no price tag attached, just dream! When did you stop dreaming for yourself? Can you recognize that moment?
Now you may be reading this and wondering why I want you to learn to dream for yourself… Well, first of all, if you don’t dream for yourself, who will? I have often asked ladies if their husbands could list 5 of their dreams (meaning list 5 of the wive’s dreams), every one of them has said “I doubt it.” Why is that? I don’t believe it is because they are unloved, I believe it is because the women never talk about their dreams! How can your dreams come true if you don’t put them out in the universe? How can your hubby plan your dream vacation for you, if he doesn’t even know what it looks like?
Here is another reason I want you to dream selfishly…If you have dreams that are all yours, you came up with them, you are emotionally attached to them, you’d be sad if they didn’t come true before your passing…you will work for those dreams! You will wake up in the morning and do what you need to do, to get closer to your dreams. You will be able to daydream when you feel overwhelmed and you can instantly be reminded of why you are doing the work. You can visualize yourself in your dream car, dream home, dream vacation; but only if you are able to dream!
Very seldom do you end up in a place that you haven’t at some point dreamed of for yourself, so if you want more, you need to visualize yourself with more, and then you need to go to work for more. The universe can’t provide you with things if you don’t ask for them. Start dreaming selfishly my friends!!
If you don’t even know where to start or how to get past your mental block of dreaming for yourself, let’s jump on a 15 min chat to see if I can help you!